man o mann .

3.4.09
do we have to fight again tonight ?
Please lets not go there again .
we went there .
-im gonna go home -

1.5 hours in the cold . on the bus . w. 3 bags .

well at least im home now , let me plug in my phone thats been dead for 3 days , HE might text me to make-up .

. . .

16 voicemail messages ?
I feel important !
Lets see who`s been blowing me up .

i been w. hubbie , phones been off because hes the only one i feel is important enough to charge it for .
. .
the voice begins
MONDAY MARCH 2ND 4:23pm
1.Grandma`s voice "Sharee ! you need to call me , your moms in the hospital , the police found her on the ground of the park BREATH-LESS , call me a.s.a.p"
2. Same voice , " Sharee call me "
3. Same voice " Sharee whats going on , your momss in the hospital "
4-9 same thingg going on .
10. Grandma`s voice saying my mom flat lined , shes dead . . the hurt in her voice was enough to make my heart stop for a couple of beats .
my mommy is what ? she cant be . 35 , vegetarian , jogs 2 miles a day , healthy-er than ME . she is what ?!
. . .

11. Daddy`s voice " hey kiddo your grandma just called me , call me back mamas "
12. Great Grandma " Honey this is Grandmama , call me when you get this "
13. Grandma`s voice again " they brought her back , shes back , she`s unconscious though , where are you sharee ? call me "
14. Same voice " sharee call me "
15. " Sharee call me "
16. Grandma`s voice " give me a call sharee "

My mom was dead for 4 hours , completely flat-lined . the doctors sent the message that there was nothing more they could do .

My step-father wasnt having that .

so they went back to work .

she came back to life . after 4 hours of being dead . Not what typically happens in the real world .
she had a heart-attack .

now , she`s partially brain dead .
my mommy . . so smart , so bomb , so everything most mothers strive to be .
partially brain dead . cant hold up a paper for too long right now .

and now , her 5 year old and 2 year old , are MY 5 year old and 2 year old .
Step-dad has to go away to make money for these medical bills cause they have no insurance .

everybody else is too old to take care of these little lives . so now its me and them .

cant worry about if the major im in is one that i really wanna pursue , gotta find a job , a bigger apartment , a daycare, a pre-school . . .

as much as i want to , i cant chase you and worry about who you may be talking to on the side , if your being faithful , when your family will find out about me . I have children now . Ha , see what i get , i had been asking and asking and joking about us having some already . . i got them chris . and this is gonna be my biggest stress so far .

your offer was sweet . and i thank you for it . but i know the truth . you dont need this . have fun at ucsb . live it up . its your life . and this . . this is mine .